Route 666 Page 12

  “We might have taken a few unauthorized excursions,” Nelson confessed.

  “Ah, our world is pretty much a mirror of yours. There’s differences but a lot of it is the same. We, uh, are a close universe,” Nash informed them.

  “What? So, it’s not like some alien planet in another dimension?” Connie couldn’t believe her ears.

  Nelson huffed in laughter. “No. The dimensional portals open up to alternative worlds. Different portals open to different worlds, which can only be located within a close locus.”

  “Some are pretty different and yeah, there are actual aliens, like this guy we’re chasing. We have deep space travel in our dimension,” Nash told them. “We had a first contact situation in the 1920s and entered the space age then.”

  Connie sat slack-jawed. “So you guys live in the USA? You guys leapt from Florida in your dimension to Florida in ours?”

  “Well, it’s not called Florida in ours,” Nelson said. “It’s called Ahapapko and the state lines are drawn a bit differently. But, yes, we jumped from the same basic physical locale. It wasn’t an apartment, though, in ours.”

  “That’s right. It was the parking lot behind a 24-7,” Nash said. “We followed our perp as he went in to get a mango bubblegum Smooshie.”

  “So, if it’s alternative Earths, then how come we had that ghost situation that involved a portal?” Connie demanded.

  “He was stuck too close to the event horizon of a wild portal,” Nash said. “Think of it like a wormhole on Deep Space Seven,” Nelson said.

  “Nine,” Lexie corrected.

  “No, Seven, it’s about a space station by a wormhole and Commander James Tiberius Lopert gets stuck there when the wormhole collapses and leaves him stranded. The Federation annexes that part of space and names it Deep Space Seven.”

  “Sounds like a mash-up of our show and Voyager.”

  “Voyager? Is it on Netflix? Nelson, we really should binge watch these shows while we’re here. Oh! Get some t-shirts and shit to take back,” Nash said. “We could sell them over the interweb.”

  “How we gonna get boxes of shit through a portal while taking our perp back, while in these bodies?” Nelson asked.

  “Oh, yeah. That won’t work. Maybe next time.”

  “Uh uh, there better not be no next time!” Lexie said firmly. “And, um, what happened to your bodies on the other side?”

  “Oh, they’ll have figured it out,” Nelson assured her. “Three people in a parking lot next to a recently closed portal, one barking, the other sniffing and twitching his nose, and the third one just kinda laying there, well, they’ll just pop them into stasis to keep them safe.”

  “So, how you going to get back in?” Connie asked.

  “Our new portal will open by where our bodies are being stored. They will have them stored in a portal facility,” Nelson said.

  “Yup, we’ll jump back in, the monitors will send an alert so they’ll wake us up, and his dad will be able to take our perp to jail. After giving us a reaming in private.”

  “Dad will have to reward us in public, though! So, when we ask to be admitted, they’ll have to let us.” Nelson insisted.

  “And if he doesn’t?” Nash asked sceptically. “I have been thinking on this since the second we got here, that maybe this was not the best of ideas.”

  “Then we’ll be able to be taken seriously as bounty hunters, because we caught him, and across dimensions, no less,” Nelson said stubbornly.

  “And the universe will align and it will be the Age of Aquarius,” Lexie muttered, turning into the parking lot of the hotel. “And here we are.”

  “The Silver Dollar Lounge?” Nelson asked.

  “No, that’s a bar and restaurant open to the public that the hotel owns,” Connie explained. “She means the big hotel itself.”

  “Look at all these Elvises! They’re just walking around! Some of them drove all dressed up even,” Nelson said in awe. “Wait, is that a costume, too? That tall woman over there, with the big hair.”

  Connie and Lexie looked. A six foot two, wide shouldered figure was dressed as Priscilla Presley. She headed towards the doors of the Silver Dollar which had a chalkboard out front advertising free mimosas for Priscillas during Ladies Lunch Hour. A glance at her phone told Connie that Ladies Lunch Hour was actually already underway, though quite why it was called an hour when it was three hours long, she hadn’t a clue.

  The Priscilla turned around to scan the parking lot as if looking for someone.

  “That’s a guy in drag done up as Priscilla Presley, Elvis’ wife,” Lexie said, the penny dropping as to what she was seeing. “Wow, she looks fierce!” Her eyes widened as she caught sight of a familiar car and the figure climbing out of it. Priscilla waved to him before going into the Silver Dollar with the man she’d been waiting for. “Is that Daddy?”

  “Da fuq?” Connie asked, flabbergasted. “It is Daddy! What’s he doing here?”

  Chapter 18

  It’s a Surreal Day In the Neighborhood

  Lexie found herself climbing out of the car and shouting as she ran towards the Silver Dollar. “Daddy!”

  Jarrett Dade froze, posture going stiff. Lexie caught up to him. “It is you, Daddy! Aren’t you going to introduce us to your friend?”

  “Uh, yeah. This is my friend, Scilla. Scilla, this is my youngest daughter, Lexie and dashing towards us now is my other daughter, Connie.”

  “Pleased to meet you,” Scilla said in a warm, pleasant baritone. “I was just going to go meet my wife, Laura, inside the bar.”

  “She holding us a table?” Daddy Dade asked.

  “Yep,” Scilla replied.

  “Laura is a chief petty officer, her Daddy is one of my Breakfast Bowl buddies,” Daddy Dade explained. “We all met when Tim, that’s her daddy, brought them along to one of our breakfast meet ups at the bowling alley.”

  Scilla smiled. “Sure did. We got to talking and Dad mentioned my Scilla and how I was looking for an Elvis to attend regional events with and bam, there was Jarrett.”

  “You do Elvis?” Lexie gaped at her father, trying to reconcile what she was learning with the man she thought she’d known.

  “You know I love the King. I used to sing to y’all and everything.”

  “Well, yeah, Daddy, but that’s a far cry from being an actual Elvis impersonator.”

  Daddy Dade waved her words away. “I only started the dressing up part once I met Scilla here and she and Laura helped me find my wigs and costumes and stuff.”

  “I’m not always Scilla, you know. The day I met your daddy, I wasn’t Scilla. I was just plain old Jacob Minter, husband to CPO Laura Minter. This is a hobby.”

  “Are y’all staying here at the hotel?” Daddy asked Lexie.

  “Shit! We need to go check in and I left Nelson and Nash in the car!” Connie cried.

  “Go check in and text me your room number,” Daddy said. “We’ll meet up for breakfast tomorrow, okay? You’ll need to excuse us, Laura’s waiting and it’s rude to keep her.”

  “Okay, Daddy,” Lexie replied. “It was nice to meet you, Scilla.”

  “Of course it was, darling.” Scilla turned and sashayed into the lounge, pausing to allow Daddy Dade open the door for her.

  “I need to go check us in,” Connie said. “You bring Nash and Nelson, okay? I need to get to our room and process what I just saw.” She wandered into the hotel, muttering to herself. “Daddy’s an Elvis impersonator who’s best friend is a guy who dresses up as Priscilla and whose wife comes along for the ride. It’s all good, but how did we not know this?”

  Lexie shook her head. Daddy Dade was full of surprises of late. A cat, medical weed, and now this. She wondered what else they didn’t know. Did he not say anything because he thought they’d think badly of him? Lexie felt sad at the thought. Daddy surely knew better than that. The Dades didn’t roll like that. Hell, it was great Daddy had found himself hobbies that he enjoyed and was getting out in the world having fun.r />
  “Was that your dad?” Nelson asked.

  “It was. He’s taking up being an Elvis impersonator as a hobby and the guy dressed as Priscilla is his partner. They were meeting Jacob’s wife in the bar.”

  “Who’s Jacob?” Nelson asked, confused.

  “Priscilla is Jacob. I mean, Jacob is the one playing Priscilla.”

  “Oh. Okay. You getting me out of this car or what?”

  “Cool your jets. I’ve got to put the leash on you and it’s fallen down onto the floorboards under Connie’s seat.” She rummaged under the seat to get it. “I’m going to take you in then get someone to help with the luggage after I manage to get Nash in without them noticing.”

  “Well, come on. Soonest we get to the room, soonest you can get me some room service!”

  “No! No room service,” she told him as she clipped on his leash.

  “But I’m hungry!”

  “You can just wait until we bring you some food back. We’re not made of money, you know, and this place won’t be cheap.”

  “I want popcorn shrimp,” he informed her, jumping down to trot next to her.

  “And where do you propose I find that?”

  “I saw a billboard for some place called Red Lobster and it had popcorn shrimp.”

  “Uh huh. Now hush, there’s a lot of folks around.”

  Nelson fell quiet. When they got inside, Connie was still at the desk. “If there’s a Red Lobster, you feel like going?”

  “Sounds good to me. I love their cheddar biscuits.”

  Lexie glanced down at Nelson. He had a satisfied doggy smile. “I guess I’ll have to go figure out where the Red Lobster is.”

  “There’s one on Old Fort Parkway,” the desk clerk said, helpfully.

  “Thanks,” Lexie replied.

  “Woof!” Nelson said, teasing Lexie with his happy dog act.

  “All right, all right,” Lexie told him.

  “I can’t thank y’all enough for helping us with our room situation,” Connie said to the clerk.

  “Oh, um,” the clerk said. Lexie narrowed her eyes. Why was he looking so discomfited? “Ah, someone vacated early, unexpectedly. Once the room was cleared, we were able to release it for booking.” He handed Connie the room key.

  Connie smiled as she turned to Lexie. “I’ll take Nelson, you go grab our luggage.” her eyes widened. “Ohhh, look, a goth Priscilla!”

  Nelson stiffened and began to growl.

  Oh shit! What now?

  Goth Priscilla bared her teeth at Nelson before flouncing away. Holy shit, she’s got fangs! This is not how I envisioned my day going. Not at all. Lexie decided that Connie was going to be her designated driver so she could have a drink or three with her meal.

  Chapter 19

  Hotel Tennesylvania

  “I didn’t even get a glance when bringing Nash up. Okay, I put a jacket over his habitat so you couldn’t really see what it was, but nobody was even curious,” Connie said as she brushed her hair. She turned her head to check the sides and back. “I’m thinking of getting this cut. Do you think a short bob or a pixie cut or something would look good on me? I could just wash it and go.”

  Lexie looked over at her sister in surprise. Connie had always been proud of her long, thick hair. “Yeah, I think you’d look real cute with a pixie cut of some kind. Definitely be easier to take care of, too.” She eyed her own visage critically. “Maybe I should get mine cut, too. At least get rid of some of these split ends.”

  “Well, I’ll have to give it some more thought, make sure that’s really what I want and not just a passing fancy.”

  Lexie nodded. “You know, they probably didn’t think anything was up because of all the different types of cases folks are carrying around with their costumes, makeup, and wigs.”

  Connie applied a light layer of Burt’s Bees lip gloss. “I love this stuff,” she said to Lexie, replacing the applicator cap. “It really keeps my lips soft and doesn’t taste funky.”

  “I like the color. What is it?”

  Connie looked at the tube before putting it back in her vanity case. “Autumn Haze. They make it in a bunch of colors. I have three more of them in different shades.”

  “I’ll have to see about getting some,” Lexie said.

  “You can borrow mine if you want,” Connie said.

  Lexie smiled. “Just like when we were girls, we used to share clothes and makeup all the time.”

  “Yeah, we did,” Connie smiled back. “Okay, guys,” she said to the two animal formed bounty hunters currently perched on their bed pillows. “Don’t make us regret leaving you free to roam the room. No answering the door, no using the phone, and no pay per view. You can either watch what they have on the TV or watch some netflix on my laptop, it’s right there open on the end of the bed for you, the tab already open. TV remote is on the bedside table. We’ll put the Do Not Disturb sign on the door so no one will come in. We’ll bring you some food back, so no eating stuff from the mini fridge, we have to pay for that and they charge crazy money.”

  “Okay, okay, we know the drill,” Nelson said.

  “Do you, really?” Lexie asked. “Because you keep seeming to try to find ways to break the rules and cost us an arm and a leg.”

  “He does, not me,” Nash said.

  “Me? If I’m such a troublemaker, why do you follow along, then?” Nelson asked him, his tone turned quarrelsome.

  “Guys!” Connie said. “That’s enough. He didn’t mean anything by it, Nelson. Just that you usually come up with all the ideas for stuff, good or bad. And you never intend them to be bad.”

  Mollified, Nelson replied, “Okay, I can accept that. I tend to rush ahead sometimes.”

  Connie gave Nash a quelling look. He shut his mouth before shooting off his reply, much to Connie’s relief.

  “Good. new rule, absolutely no arguing. You do that, a manager will come in to see what’s going on even with the sign on the door. Maybe bring the police, even,” she warned.

  Nash and Nelson both visibly quailed at the thought. They knew that getting caught in these bodies in this particular dimension by anyone in a position of official authority would be bad. Very, very bad, indeed.

  The two sisters went out the door, taking care to remember to hang the sign on the door handle. Walking towards the elevator, Connie couldn’t help but notice the curious looks they were getting from a group also making their way to the elevator.

  It was a bit crowded in the elevator but it was the glances that bugged Connie to no end. Before they’d gone down so much as three floors, Connie blurted out, “What is it? Why do y’all keep looking at us like that? Is it because we’re not in costume?”

  The group of six all exchanged sheepish looks. The Elvis in the leather pants said, “Um, no, it’s because you’re in the dead room.”

  “The what now?” Connie asked.

  “The dead room,” the Elvis in the white rhinestone jumpsuit said. “Some guy who came to the con died of a heart attack or whatever in there. The maid found him yesterday morning. He’d arrived a day early and checked in. The police only released the room today, after they’d decided it wasn’t a crime scene and the hotel was allowed to take all his stuff for safekeeping until his family can come get it.”

  “If they want it,” the G.I. Blues Elvis said.

  “So that’s why they had a sudden vacancy,” Lexie said. “Oh, Con, don’t freak out. Heart attack, okay?”

  Connie looked at her. “If he comes back as a ghost and wakes one of us up, I swear…”

  “I’m sure it’ll be okay,” Lexie promised her. “We can salt the room if it’d make you feel better.”

  Connie nodded and decided to change the subject as the doors opened. Two more Elvises were on the other side.

  “We’ll take the next one,” one of them said.

  Connie smiled and pressed the door close button. She turned to glance at G.I. Elvis, who was stood closest to her. “So, you guys going to an event tonight?” />
  “Yes, there’s a contest for best live performance. No lip syncing is allowed.”

  “Oh, wow,” Connie said.

  “When I spoke to Dad while you were in the shower, he said he was going to that. It’s why they aren’t joining us for dinner,” Lexie told her. “Scilla is going to video it so we can watch it later.”

  Awesome!” Connie said.

  “Your dad is performing and you’re not going to go watch him?” leather pants Elvis asked, censure in his voice.

  “He said it’d make him nervous if we were there. It’s his first time live in front of a big crowd,” Lexie explained.

  The harsh lines on leather pants Elvis’ face eased. “Oh, so he’s a new Elvis?”

  “Yes, he only got into it recently after meeting a guy who does Priscilla. His wife comes along dressed as a groupie and uses a vintage camera to take snapshots. Tonight she’s filming Daddy with her phone, though.”

  “That’s awesome,” Rhinestone Jumpsuit Elvis said.

  “We didn’t even know until today that he was into it,” Connie added. “We’re on our way to the start of Route 66 for a road trip and happened to get that last minute room booking at the hotel and ran into them. It was the only room to be had anywhere!”

  “Wow, that’s wild,” G.I. Blues Elvis said as the elevator came to a stop, having reached the lobby. “Nice meeting you ladies, and I’m sure the room is fine,” he said as the doors opened to reveal the lobby. Connie could see Goth Priscilla twisting a lock of her beehived hair around her fingers. She fluttered her eyelashes at Leather Pants Elvis and sashayed towards him. Connie giggled. It looked like con hookups really were a thing.

  Goth Priscilla laughed at something leather Pants Elvis said, and laid a hand on his arm. Connie shivered as Goth Priscilla teased a fang in her upper mouth with the tip of her tongue. The outfit was way cool, she decided, but those fangs looked a little too real for comfort.

  “What’s wrong, still worried about the room?” Lexie asked her as they left the lobby.

  “No, no. Well, yes, but that wasn’t it.” Connie laughed deprecatingly at herself. “Just was thinking how real those fangs that Priscilla has looked.”