Route 666 Read online

  “Well, that sex wasn’t safe enough,” Jacob said. “I’m just sayin’.”

  “So, they let her get real close. You don’t need to worry about me. I’m not one to go canoodling like that. I am concerned, however, that this happened so close to my girls and you were among the first on the scene.”

  “When we first arrived, before we knew you were here, Daddy, we had planned to only spend the night and then go on to our next stop after a day of driving. It is, after all, a fair distance still to Chicago.”

  “Chicago?” Laura asked.

  “It’s where the start of the Historic Route 66 is,” Daddy told her.

  “Oh, that’s right,” Laura said as their waitress appeared with their food. “You are doing the Route 66 thing. That sounds epic.”

  “This looks so good!” Connie said, eying her breakfast. “Eggs, bacon, grits…” A loud crash sounded as their table jolted and dust settled upon their table and others nearby. To their astonishment a naked man now lay sprawled in front of the unlit fireplace, debris from the ceiling he’d fallen through strewn far and wide. The man got up on shaky legs.

  Their waitress began to shout and a manager and other members of staff came running. The man gave a shaky laugh. “What, nobody want any sausage?” he said waggling his hips.

  “Oh, hell naw,” Connie said. “This asshole ruins my breakfast and now makes me unable to contemplate having sausage for a while. She pushed her chair back and stood up. The manager ran toward her exclaiming “Please leave your name and a contact number at the register. Someone from corporate will contact you. I am so sorry your meal with us was ruined.”

  “I can’t even! Lexie!” Connie exclaimed .

  Daddy was helping Jacob out of his chair as Laura watched in concern. “You okay, Jake?”

  “Yeah, I just got knocked into the table a bit,” he replied.

  “Do you need a doctor?” the manager asked, worried.

  “No, just winded, probably will be a little bruised but nothing major. I just want to go get some food.”

  Connie looked about, looking for Lexie. She spied her in the next room, standing by the register.

  “That man needs a doctor,” Daddy said, referring to the man trying to dodge staff who were trying to get him to put on a server’s apron to cover him up. “A head doctor. Looks like my daughter has left our information at your register. We’ll let you go help the other customers and deal with this...situation,” he said.

  Joining Connie in the shop area, the group made for the front door.

  “I remember seeing a Waffle House,” Laura said.

  “No, I saw a Me-tube video of someone doing this same thing at one of those recently. Apparently having sex on the roof or in the rafters is considered a great place for a workplace tryst these days, only problem is, you might end up giving folks a show when you fall through. It was probably what gave this guy the idea. Be our luck someone else would try it while we’re there,” Daddy said. “I saw a Shoney’s, can’t go wrong there.”

  “Sounds good to me,” Jake said. Laura quickly agreed.

  “We’ll follow you there,” Lexie said.

  Connie giggled softly. “Me-tube,” she whispered, getting back into the car.

  “You okay?” Lexie asked her as she buckled her seat belt.

  “No. Somebody ruined my grits by crashing through the damned ceiling and then waggled his nasty ass self at me and everybody, and you ask if I’m okay? That is far from okay. You can’t go ruining grits and bacon like that. It’s unSouthern.”

  Lexie burst out laughing. “You’re okay then. And we’ll get you some grits and bacon at Shoney’s.”

  “Damned straight we will.”

  Chapter 22

  Room Disservice

  Breakfast at Shoney’s was far less eventful. Daddy, Jake, and Laura all decided to call the convention quits once they got back to the hotel. Daddy seemed to be subdued about that and Lexie wasn’t certain if it was because it had been his first time and it had gotten spoiled, or if it was because of something else. She’d noticed Daddy giving his friends sad looks and Laura had reached over and squeezed Daddy’s hand, promising that they’d work something out, whatever that meant.

  Lexie spoke to the front desk and verified their contact information after finding they had permission to leave. If they were needed for anything further other than the statements they’d already given, the local p.d. would get in contact.

  “I figured we’d go after all that happened last night,” Connie confessed. “So I booked us an AirBnB for tonight.”

  “And if we hadn't left?”

  “I’d have paid for the night and seen if we could extend for tomorrow. It was available when I looked.

  “And just where did you arrange for us to stop?”

  ‘Well, it’s my turn to drive this morning, so I thought we’d make it up to Indiana, a place called Saint Mary’s In the Woods.”

  Nelson piped up, “As long as we stop somewhere decent for lunch, I don’t care.”

  “We’re stopping at Winn Dixie to buy snacks and yes, we’ll stop someplace for lunch.” She leaned over to whisper in Lexie’s ear, “Gonna pick him up some of that fancy dog food in trays that is like people food. They’ve got like chicken casserole, only free of onions and spices that can make a dog sick.”

  “What are you whispering about?” Nelson asked suspiciously.

  “Never you mind,” Lexie told him. “It’s something she needed to say to me in private.”

  “Oh, girl stuff. Okay, then,” Nelson grumped. “Well, come on, chop, chop. That was a small breakfast you fed me and you said you were going to go buy snacks.”

  “Small breakfast, my ass,” Connie muttered. “Two eggs, bacon, grits, and a biscuit, plus a pork chop. That is not what I call small.”

  “I am not even going to dignify that with a reply,” Nelson sniffed.

  Lexie glanced out her window, amused.

  “When you buy snacks, can you please get me some unsalted sunflower seeds?” Nash asked politely.

  “Sure thing, sugar,” Connie said.

  “How come he’s sugar but I’m not?” Nelson demanded.

  “Because I ask for things nicely,” Nash chided.

  “I can be polite,” Nelson said. “Watch. Connie, can we please go now to purchase the comestibles for our trip?”

  Lexie shook with laughter. “We’re going, see, we’re out of the parking lot already.”

  After shopping at the Winn Dixie Connie parked the cart behind the trunk of the car. She reached into her purse and handed Lexie her phone with the photo listing of the AirBnB still on screen.

  The profile boasted pictures of a beautiful pasture and two beautifully made beds that looked as if a tired body could sink in and be refreshed after a good sleep. The profile went on to state, “Enjoy glamping on a lush farm that’s pure old Indiana. Enjoy the tranquil scene of cows grazing and peaceful summer breezes. Amenities include solar lighting and air conditioning, antique wood stove for winter warmth and ambience in the winter. Enjoy the patina of beautiful old hardwood floors in this unique off grid camping. Complete with composting toilet, rain catchment, solar hot water heater and back up water tank with a well pump nearby.”

  “Looks good to me, Connie, and it looks to be about seven or eight hours up the road. We should be there just as it is getting dark. We can each drive for four hours each so we don’t get too tired, doing it in two hour shifts.”

  “Connie, this is off the beaten path for sure,” said Lexie as she turned onto the dirt road following some homemade signs to the campsite.

  “What the...” Connie and Lexie shrieked at the same time as they rounded the bend and entered the campsite.

  “Surely not!” Connie exclaimed, leaning forward in her seat to take a second look.

  “I’m not saying a damn thing . Not one damn thing, this is something straight off Uncle Cletus Travels off of Universal Tube. Rednecks with big ideas are in every dimension but this
takes the cake,” stated Nelson .

  “Why? What’s going on?” Nash asked from his habitat sat on the backseat.

  The scene before them was surreal. Two large U-haul trucks had been backed up against each other and in between the tailgates a small wooden and glass entrance was built on to bridge the two. It had a polycarbonate corrugated roof. The entrance was made using sliding glass patio doors. One was white aluminum and the other brown. The U-hauls had two windows on each of the van boxes, each mismatched. There was what seemed to be an intentioned gazebo, if you wanted to call a metal kit carport with a cheap barbecue grill underneath it that. It had a table that had been turned into a countertop complete with a green chipped 70’s kitchen sink sat in a hole cut into the table top . Two orange buckets sat beneath the sink for drainage and a garden hose was hooked into the sink spigot cut out. A patio storage bench made of plastic finished off the look. “How in the hell did this pass AirBnB standards?” Lexie wondered aloud. Connie gave her a stricken look in reply.

  “I don’t know,” she said. “I am so sorry. I never dreamed that it could be anything like this.”

  “Not your fault. Come on, let’s go check it out. Maybe it gets better. It’s only for one night anyways and we’re in the middle of Nowheresville so it’s not like we’re spoilt for choice.”

  Just as the girls exited the car a four wheel drive sand camo clad pick up truck jacked up five feet from the ground came tearing in and a clean shaven, red-headed male with closely cropped hair who looked to be about thirty jumped out.

  “Good evening, ladies, I brought ya the keys and came to give you the tour. The name is Amos as I said in our message. Let's go on in for the tour. I turned on the A/C for ya as it takes a while to cool off this dwelling.”

  “Oh my word,” sighed Connie under her breath. She eyed Lexie as they both took in the design that had been wood-burned into the floor.

  “ Yeah cool ain’t it?” asked Amos. “ I salvaged that floor from a local sale. The whole property has a history. I had been watching tiny houses and off grid livin’ . Those people are properly eco friendly and I wanted to do my part. I bought this land with some savings from my stint in the Army, and then I built my house over yonder over the rise. I used Penske trucks for those. I got them super cheap because the engines was blown on those and on these ones so the only thing good they was for was storage.”

  “What did you do in the Army?” Connie asked.

  “I worked in supply. I always was good at finding stuff.” He gestured with his hand, pointing to the truck on the left. “Now on this side you have the small galley kitchen and wood stove. This mini stove is quite sufficient for the winter months. As you can see over there, you have steps up into a mama’s attic built into these trucks. That’s where you’ll find your bunk that holds a double mattress. I fixed shelves on each side to set items on. I also bought charging banks that I charge up every day for your cell phones. I also have a solar charger. I insulated these walls and that roof out there. You can pull these curtains across and have private quarters but you have to go across the glass walk to get to the bathroom. It has a composting toilet and a small shower and sink. It also has a solar water heater.”

  The girls followed him across the glass connector still in shock.

  “On this end,” Amos continued nonplussed, “we have the bathroom.”

  As he opened the door the girls saw over the sink was a window with an old white slightly rusted curtain rod. Rolls of toilet paper formed what could be described as paper mini blinds. By now the girls’ jaws had dropped open almost to the floor.

  “You like that idea, girls? I call it my no dust disposable blinds. It creates great storage and a good function in a small space. I saw that on a Facebook post and thought it a neat idea. I couldn't understand why folks thought it so funny as it served a dual purpose. Also over here we have another mini stove and a futon couch and up the steps is another bunk. Above is another split unit and of course you can close the curtains near the tailgate to have private quarters on this side too if a large family stays.”

  Amos continued on non stop, “I’ll be by tomorrow for maid service. The fridge is propane and I just filled it and turned it on for use. I included some bottled water free to my guests. I also included some farm fresh eggs, churned butter, and homemade sausage as breakfast is on me. I also have some good milk fresh from the cows today. You just have to cook it if you don’t want it raw cuz it’s not pasteurised. I just wanna be real clear on that as some folks are funny ‘bout that. Be sure to wash up the pans before you go. I'm not booked for another week should you decide to stay more than a night. I'll give you first choice but let me know by nine a.m. Check out is noon. Towels are on the kitchen counter. Should you need to wash something, I have one of those foot pedal washers off Amazon. The line with a climbing carabiner attached, hanging off the bathroom wall hooks to that eye over there,” he pointed to a nearby pine tree with a metal eye bolt sticking out of its trunk, “for a clothesline. Clothespins are in a jar in the kitchen on top of the fridge. Now I'll leave you to it.” Then as quick as he showed up, Amos the host was in his truck with a trail of dust behind him.

  Connie and Lexie looked at each other, eyes glazed .

  “What the hell just happened?” Connie asked.

  “I don't know, but I do know no way in hell I'm sleeping on this end with a ouija board floor over here. Nelson and Nash can have their privacy over here. You can share the comfy bed with me since it’s the only decent looking thing in this redneck humble abode or the futon, your choice. We’ll be by the bathroom but as long as we keep the door to the composting toilet closed, we should be free of anything funky.” Lexie replied.

  “I did it again didn't I ?” Connie lamented.

  “No, we both were duped. He obviously just took pictures at good angles and him being new he didn't have but one rating and from the looks of this place it was probably a relative. He most likely reimbursed them to stay and leave a review,” Lexie stated as she tried to calm her sister down. “Let’s just hope there is no hinky shit going down because of that damn floor. I don't think the dude knew what he had pieced together. But I damn sure don't want to be in the room with it if it gets jiggy. Let’s get the guys in and settled. Take a shower and keep our shit near the door in case we need to make a mad dash. I just want one night without something ridiculous and otherworldly going on. I don't think I can handle it.”

  Connie agreed and went to the car to fetch the boys. “Not one single freaking word or you both in the car the whole night. I mean it!” Connie and Lexie said in unison as they approached the car.

  Nelson and Nash looked at each other and the girls and decided that silence was the best course of action. As far as they were concerned they were in a high dollar suite for the night, no matter what sight greeted them inside. They would save the jokes for the road tomorrow.

  “Can you just let me out?” Nash asked as they put his habitat on the bed.

  “Hey, look, a Roomba! Hey, Nash, wanna take a ride?”

  “Did you even look at what’s on the floor?” Connie asked him.

  Nelson looked. “Never mind. Bad idea. Can someone make sure that Roomba is turned off? I don’t want nothing happening portal-wise in this here AirCnP while we’re trying to sleep.”

  “AirCnP?” Connie asked.

  “Crap and Poop,” Nelson said.

  Nash regarded him in surprise. “I thought your mind had gone in the gutter again and it was cock and-”

  “Yeah, it’s off now,” Lexie said, interrupting. “Con, let Nash out and then I guess we best get to bed so we can get up for an early breakfast and go.”

  “Night, y’all,” Connie said despondently after she let Nash out. “Won’t say good because I don’t think there’s much about this that is.”

  “It’s not your fault, Con,” Lexie repeated, throwing an arm around her shoulder. “Come on. We can laugh about this in the morning once we’re gone. ‘Sides, it beats staying in
a hotel with a possible vampire on the look-out for their next dinner.”

  Chapter 23

  Sun, Sand, and San Angelo

  Lexie plugged Connie’s phone cord into the socket adapter in the car. She couldn’t believe that she’d plugged the wire into her phone but had forgotten to to see if it was charging. It wasn’t, thanks to her charging wire not working and now her phone was absolutely flat. Not that she was too worried, Connie’s was fully charged and if anyone needed to get a hold of them, they knew to ring Connie if she was unavailable. Once they got going, the cigarette adapter would power Connie’s charger and Lexie’s phone would be usable in no time at all, really.

  “Let me change out Nash’s bedding and you take Nelson out for a walk and then we can load up the car and go. We can grab some breakfast from a drive through along the way. There’s bound to be a BK, Micky D’s, Hardees or something close to the freeway,” Connie said from the steps.

  “Yeah, sounds good. My phone should be finished charging by then.”

  Connie giggled. Lexie looked at her quizzically. “I was thinking about that naked dude that crashed through the ceiling at the Cracker Barrel. Of all the places for something like that to happen, I never thought it’d be at such a down home folks family eating place. I mean, it’s like sitting at a restaurant ran by Ma and Pa Walton or that one Nellie and Laura ran on Little House. Now imagine a naked guy falling through the ceiling.”

  Lexie laughed. “Mrs. Olsen would have been yelling for her husband Nels. and Grandma Walton would have set them straight while getting one of the kids to go fetch the sheriff. And he’d have been tastefully censored by a flower arrangement or a table or chair or something.”

  Connie giggled harder. “Yup.” She went out to the car and reached into the trunk, taking out the small bale of shavings, the roll of paper towels, and the pet friendly disinfectant spray they’d picked up at the large Winn Dixie the afternoon before.