Route 666 Page 4

“Yeah, why?”

  “‘Cuz his eyes just turned red.”

  “Make a circle with the salt!” Lexie shouted, trying to remember what she’d seen on TV and hoping at least some of it was accurate. Connie opened the paper bag she held and hurriedly pulled out the salt shaker they still had from the Waffle House.

  “I don’t think we have enough!” Connie wailed as the young man advanced. She dropped the bag in her panic.

  “Bill, come on, Bill, you in there?” Lexie coaxed, remembering the young man’s name. He ignored her, taking another step towards Connie.

  “Oh fuck!” Connie screamed and turned to run. The door next to the bedroom led into a bathroom. Connie nearly fell over a bucket filled with dirty mop water just inside, the mop itself in the tub, ostensibly drying. She licked her lips and grabbed the bucket handle and turned. “Leave me the hell alone!” she screamed, throwing the water into Bill’s face. He grinned, sputtering, then a look of horror crossed his face. Connie screamed again.

  Lexie yanked Bill back by the collar, intending to pull him away from Connie. She gagged as Bill collapsed into goo, leaving her holding a sodden shirt. Connie gaped at her. “Well, shit.”

  “We best get out of here,” Lexie said. “I’m sure the neighbors heard us and I don’t know how to explain this...umm... latest development.” Connie gulped and nodded. Lexie took a step back. “I’ll just go get our bag.” Connie bolted for the front door. She paused in front of it, deciding it might be a good idea to use the hem of her t-shirt to touch the handle in case someone came and dusted for fingerprints.

  “Good thinking, Batman,” Lexie told her approvingly. “Now, let’s walk out all casual like. Nothing to see here, folks.” The two sisters exited, striving for nonchalance. Reaching the car, Connie asked her, “What now?”

  “Well, best to just keep things normal, right?” Lexie said, tossing the paper bag into the back seat of the car before climbing in. “We never got to eat, so I say we go grab some chow.”

  “I saw a Cracker Barrel.”

  “That’ll do.” Lexie turned the ignition and backed out of the parking space. As they left the condos behind them, neither woman noticed the rat sat on the back floorboard of the car. Neither of them noticed the little doggie that had hidden under the seat along with the rat. Connie reached for the ipod, “Let’s crank some tunes. Always helps to destress.”

  Lexie rolled her eyes at Connie. “Is that what you call this? Stress? I call it a hell of a day in the neighborhood. Stress is not meeting a deadline, this ummm… calling it distressing is putting it mildly.”

  Connie said nothing as she picked the tune. Sunlight pouring down on them ,the top down as they rolled down the through way. They begin to sing some Skynard. Just as the two got to the chorus of Tuesday Gone, a third rich baritone joined in unison.

  “What in the hell are you doing”? Connie yelled as the car began to drift.

  “There is a singing dog in our back seat!” Lexie screamed, stepping on the brakes hard enough to make them squeal.

  “Do what, now?” Connie looked at Lexie as if she’d lost her mind.

  “The damned Taco Bell dog just climbed up into our backseat and is singing Skynyrd!” Lexie yelled as the car shuddered to a stop on the hard shoulder.

  “I am not the Taco Bell dog,” came the rich baritone voice. Connie slowly turned fearful eyes to the rear view mirror. “Yes, hello. You have excellent taste in music, madam. Though, my favorite song of theirs is Free Bird.”

  “I prefer Sweet Home Alabama if we have to listen to that crap,” a softer voice broke in. Connie and Lexie turned around to look into the back seat directly. A rat now sat next to the dog. Connie screamed and fumbled for her seat belt.

  “What is this? The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Deep South?” Lexie demanded. “This shit is unnatural!”

  “How did you know? Have you meant many other interdimensional travelers?” the dog asked politely.

  “Interdimensional what?” Lexie demanded. “Connie, get your ass back in this car. You’re gonna get hit out there!”

  “There is a talking dog and a rat!”

  “That is the form we have here, yes, thanks to the doofus who opened the portal,” the rat said in disgust. “Him and his ‘hoodoo’ book. It’d never have worked except for the dimensional vortex drift being over this area at the same time he managed to scribble the key to opening the door, completely by accident, no less.”

  “So y’all aren’t demons?” Connie asked, looking interested now and opening the door to get back in.

  “Hell naw,” the dog replied. “We’re law enforcement officers where we come from. That dang fool opens an interdimensional door and our essences got swept into his pet dog and a rat from the dumpster around back.”

  “Along with the perp we were chasing. He’s a wily one, that guy. Likes to create chaos wherever he goes, but mostly through pranks and what not. He’s from Rigellia so he’s able to levitate. That usually winds locals right up when they get a load of that and aren’t in the know.”

  “Did you say levitate?” Connie gave Lexie a knowing look.

  “That explains the thing with the water Turner was doing. Looks like me and you got some talking to do, Mr. Dog. I think we know where your crook has gotten off to.”

  “Oh yeah? Awesome! We can wrap up this whole situation rather quickly and be on our way. But my name isn’t Mr. Dog. Nelson’s my name.”

  “And bounty hunting’s our game,” finished the rat. “I’m Nash by the way.

  “I thought you said you were cops,” Lexie said, narrowing her eyes.

  “We work for the police in our dimension,” Nelson said.

  “An actual dog who’s a bounty hunter,” Connie giggled.

  “Well, it’s better than being a crappy, low level demon familiar like your superstitious, backwards ass thought,” Nelson snapped defensively.

  “I didn’t mean anything bad by it. There’s this TV show and it follows a bounty hunter and his nickname is Dog. So, it’s funny, because you’re a dog and-”

  “I get it,” Nelson said flatly. “Now can we forget it?”

  “Just put the car in drive and tell us all about our target,” Nash said. “And while I can put up with Skynard, in this dimension, I much prefer Crosby, Stills and Nash.”

  “Got a particular song you wanna hear first?” Connie asked him.

  “You’ve been here before?” Lexie demanded.

  “Yes, we have and you got Marrakesh Express?”

  “I’ll look,” Connie replied, already typing into the search bar. “Got it.”

  “Oh, yeah, now we’re talking. But can you put the top up? The breeze is a bit much for me in this body. Not much mass to a rat.”

  “I’ll buy you a coat and a cat carrier,” muttered Lexie, as she put down the top.

  Chapter 6

  Because It’s Wednesday

  “You know, all this happened because today is Wednesday,” Connie informed Lexie as she peered over her tall and now empty glass. It had been her third glass of the Pineapple Upside Down Cake cocktail.

  “What makes you say that?” Lexie asked, not following.

  “Middle of the week. Hump day. It comes to eff you over before you make it to the safety of your weekend.”

  Lexie shook her head. “I don’t believe that. I like to think that there is something bigger at play here. Something that started with us fortuitously spotting our T-Bird in that parking lot.”

  Connie quirked an eyebrow up in response. “Seriously?” she asked, grabbing another tortilla chip and dabbing it into the spinach dip. She popped it into her mouth and chewed it thoughtfully. Once she’d swallowed, she said, “You tryin’ to tell me that you think all of this,” she circles her right forefinger in the air, “is because the Universe had a cunning plan? One that was made just for us?”

  “Well, yeah. It’s all been a bit too much of a coincidence, right?” Lexie reached over and snagged a chicken wonton taco from one of Connie’s p
lates. “I can’t believe all you’re going to eat is appetizers.”

  “I wanna leave room for dessert. That butter pecan blonde thing is calling my name.” Connie picked up her empty glass to see if there were any drinkable dregs left. There weren’t and she frowned. “Ah well, I had enough anyhow. I’m gonna go to the little girl’s room.” She stood up abruptly and walked towards the restrooms. Lexie watched her take a short detour towards their server and have a brief conversation with him before continuing on her way. Moments later, the server reappeared at their table.

  “Your friend’s mango iced tea,” he said, placing it on the table. “Is there anything else I can get you ladies?”

  “Not just yet,” she replied. “But we will be ordering dessert once we’ve finished eating all of this.”

  “I’ll just check back with you then,” he replied, smiling. He turned and left just as Connie returned to the table.

  “Yay! My drink’s here!” Connie looked ridiculously pleased at the timing. “Oh, we shouldn’t forget to order a doggie bag for the guys.” She giggled. “Get it, doggie bag?”

  Lexie rolled her eyes. “I got it, now can we put it back and never speak of it again?”

  Connie pouted. “Meanie!”

  “I am not, and yeah, I haven’t forgotten that we have two more mouths to feed since we agreed to let them tag along while the whole body jumping thing is figured out. I’m going to go to the Wendy’s drive through on the way back.”

  “Ah, okay. That’ll work.” That it would also be cheaper went unspoken. “So, since Turner is gonna be all right and all, do you reckon he’s still possessed or whatever?”

  “Nelson and Nash said not, right before we left. You were already on the way to the car. They think it managed to jump when Turner got knocked senseless running into that guy parasailing.Hopefully they’re right and we just have to wait for the enchanted weed to wear off..”

  “So where did he go?”

  Lexie shrugged. “Dunno, but I hope they manage to find out.”

  “If there really is a grand plan and we’re central players, I’m sure we’ll happen on it again.”

  “Maybe.” Lexie hoped not. She just wanted to get on with their dream trip. First though, he had to figure out how to unburden them of two furry bounty hunters. “C’mon, let’s finish up. It’s been a long day and I, for one, am ready to catch some Zs.”

  “Me, too! I think I am gonna sleep like the dead. I’m glad we skipped Cracker Barrel, though. This is really good!”

  Lexie yawned. “Yeah, well, I figured it was best to get those two to our motel room first. Besides Cracker Barrel do a helluva good breakfast.”

  “Sure do. Umm, how about we order dessert now? I think I’ll ask them to pack this up to go and finish it later.”

  Lexie caught the eye of their server and signalled for him to come over. Connie explained what she wanted and he nodded. “Sure, we can do that. I’ll just take your plates back and box it up for you and bring out those desserts, okay?”

  “Thank you,” Connie said. As he walked back to the kitchen, Connie leaned forward over the table. “We should leave him a good tip. “

  “I always leave a good tip,” Lexie said, her voice tinged with mild indignation.

  “I know, but I mean, you know, extra good.”

  “Oh, all right then. Instead of twenty percent, how about thirty?”

  “Yeah, that should be all right.” Connie smiled, satisfied.

  Lexie fiddled with her napkin. “I really do think there’s something greater going on.”

  “Do you have a reason other than wishful thinking? ‘Cuz you know what Daddy always said.”

  “You can wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which fills up faster,” they chorused. Connie giggled. “Yup,” she said.

  Their server returned with their desserts. Lexie picked up her fork, speared a piece of her Key Lime pie, and said, “I thought I saw Charlie.” She put the bite of pie in her mouth and looked down at her dessert.

  “What? No...no way!”

  Lexie looked back up at her sister. “Yes, way. We were joking about going on a road trip and needing the right car and I was looking to see where we parked. There, halfway down the parking lot, I thought I saw Charlie. He was looking over his shoulder at me, as if wanting me to see him. He was wearing one of those god awful Aloha shirts he loved and a pair of jeans. He walked and stood right by the T Bird. I blinked and he was gone, but I saw the big FOR SALE written on the window.”

  “So that’s when you said, hey, do you see that?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Wow.” Connie took a bite of her cake. She looked thoughtful as she swallowed. “You know, it kinda makes sense.”

  “What does?” Lexie asked her in between bites.

  Connie waved her fork. “All this. Charlie’s ghost leads you to our car. It breaks down and we get a poltergeist loaner car. Then Turner has an interdimensional traveller wotsit jump into his body, and we end up with a melted dude and two talking critters who are bounty hunters that got stuck in the wrong bodies this side of the portal thanks to Mr. Melty. I mean, what if all this is because Charlie and Sam are watching out for us, needing to show us something?” Tears prickled her eyes. “I wish I could have seen Sam. Just one more time.”

  Lexie put down her fork and reached her hand out, covering Connie’s.

  “Oh, honey, I wish you could too. I know ever since I thought I saw him, I’ve been looking everywhere, hoping to catch another glimpse of him. Hoping he’ll tell me what we are supposed to do next.”

  Tears ran down Connie’s face as she nodded, plopping down onto her cake. Lexie waved to get their server’s attention. “Can we box this up as well and have the check?”

  “Sure thing,” he said, looking at Connie with concern. “Is she all right?”

  “She’s just missing her husband.”

  He nodded, hurrying away to get two more boxes. He returned moments later, tapping the tablet to bring up their total and then presenting Lexie with the card reader. Connie sniffled and packed their desserts away.

  Adding the tip, Lexie paid using her card.

  “Thank you very much! I hope she gets to see her husband real soon,” the unsuspecting waiter said. Connie burst into tears anew. Picking up the boxes and placing them in the bag provided, Lexie stood up.

  “Come on, sugar, let’s get going.” For once, Connie had no snappy come back.

  Chapter 7

  Peanut Butter and Wendy’s

  Lexie’s phone buzzed as they waited in the line at Wendy’s drive through. “Who is that?” she asked Connie. Connie reached over to the center console and picked up Lexie’s phone.

  “Says it’s me.”

  “How is it even you? You’re right here!”

  “Oh, I left my phone for the guys, in case they needed something.” Connie accepted the call, putting it on speaker.

  “Hey!” Nelson’s voice called out. “You on your way back yet?”

  “We’re in line at the drive through, picking up burgers for ya’ll,” Lexie informed him.

  “Cool, cool. Um, can you stop somewhere and pick up some peanut butter, too?”

  “Peanut butter? What do you want with peanut butter?” Connie asked.

  “To put on my burger.”

  “Ewwww!” Connie groaned.

  “Gross,” Lexie added, making a face.

  “Hey, Nash says get some crackers, too, then. He likes those Ritz ones. We can put the p.b. on them instead, since using it as a burger condiment offends your sensibilities.”

  “Because it’s disgusting!” Lexie informed him.

  “Yeah, yeah. You gonna get some?”

  “Fine. Anything else?”

  “You got us drinks?”

  “Yeah, we got ya’ll some Cokes.”

  “I guess those are all right.”

  The two sisters looked at each other, eyebrows raised.

  “Okay, it’s our turn at the window now, so I�
�m gonna hang up,” Connie said.

  “Hold up, hold up, you don’t know what peanut butter we want.” Connie cut him off by hanging up anyway.

  “He can get the kind that’s cheapest,” she said to Lexie.

  “Uh huh. I can’t believe he wanted to add that to his burger.”

  “Umm, that’ll be twelve dollars and thirty-eight cents,” the perplexed young woman at the window said.

  Lexie passed her a twenty and waited for her change.

  “Okay, they’ll hand it to you at the next window, thank you!” the young woman said, giving her the change.

  “Okay, thanks,” Lexie replied. She drove to the next window and passed the cardboard drinks holder to Connie, followed by the bag containing the burger combo meals.

  Coming back to the main road, Lexi said, “I’m sure we passed a Winn Dixie just up the road.”

  “We did.”

  Lexie put on her turn signal to drive back the way they came. “Cool.” She pulled out. “Yep, there it is just up ahead.” Moments later, they were at the Winn Dixie parking lot. Lexie was surprised to find a space not too far from the front door. “You coming in or staying here?”

  “I’ll just wait here, you can go through the self-checkout. You’re just getting peanut butter and crackers, right?” Lexie nodded. “I’ll be fine. You’ll just be a couple of minutes, then.”

  Lexie turned and went into the store. She looked by the door, looking for a carry basket. The stand was empty. She sighed and grabbed a shopping cart. Going through the produce section to avoid walking through people waiting at the checkout lanes, she spotted a display of grapes. They were on offer. Thinking they’d make a healthy snack while on the road the next day, she put them in the cart. Somehow, by the time she made it to where the peanut butter was, she’d also added two packages of cookies, fresh baked muffins from the bakery, and a box of glazed doughnuts. She eyed the peanut butter. She grabbed a red and black labeled jar of Winn Dixie’s own brand of creamy peanut butter. “That’ll do,” she muttered. She thought about Nelson and his likely snarky comment when he’d spot the brand. She grabbed a jar of Peter Pan as well. “Now for the crackers.”